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We are born into this traumatic world alone

And we will all leave this chaotic realm alone

That is a very hard fact of life.

Most of the time, we will experience loneliness

Even isolation in parts of our existence

I once thought being alone and lonely at the same time

Was a very pathetic thing to experience

Until I recently reached rock bottom

In regards to emotions quite recently

I had no friends in sight, not even online buddies

And the people close to my heart

Were preoccupied with work, school or some other matter

It was in that dark desolate corner of my room

That I found the right tools to "fix me up"

It was as if the light in those shadows touched me

In a way that affected my views on living as well as dying

I let go of the sadness and achings of yesterdays

As well as the bitterness of mistakes made

And choices that I must live with

Life began to take color once more in this gray world of mine

And each moment became a treasure meant to be savored

For it cannot be rewinded nor replayed in slow motion

And if a wonderful moment does pass by my life

I take it in its full glory, well aware of the fact

That this beautiful time will pass through my hands

Like clear water through my fragile fingers

So to all who read this, embrace life as it passes by

Both good and bad...

For no matter how things may turn out

No matter if you do end up feeling lost and alone

You're not the only one who feels that way

And that this storm will soon pass

And the sun in all it's glory will shine again.

I admit that my Tantra Guild Mistress days are over... but I can't shake off my love for Creatures Nocturna, my baby..



Creatures Nocturna in Tantra was the first guild I ever made.. and I managed it till it became almost my second family, with me being the single mother to almost 40 members.. "Mama Vamp" they would lovingly call me... Those were the best moments so far of my online life. *wipes away a tear*



So now, I am rebuilding Creatures Nocturna in Guild Wars, hoping that I will be able to "adopt" new kids to raise a new family again.. I hope all will turn out okay like before...

Sometimes, the silence can really conjure up images

That cause the mind to spin in an eerie cycle

Of bittersweet recollections and vivid visions of tomorrow

And as I was trying to make sense of everything

That was stubbornly jumping in my head

Realization kicked in and I was like staring at a mirror

Analyzing my own image.. scrutinizing every minute detail

It was at that moment when pain and heartache met

That I found an answer that gave me the peace I needed

To move on and live life again one step at a time

I felt as if a light flickered in the darkness

And I was shown the way once more

And that my dark wings were regaining strength

I suddenly knew I would be able to fly again...

Someday... soon.

The cold night was spent with me looking up the stars

I promised myself I'd never start smoking again

Yet here I am putting a Marlboro lights between my lips

While thinking of what once was.. and what is now over

"It's now over..."

But why is the harsh rain still beating down upon me?

Memories.. they come to me when I am most unprepared

And tears come unbidden to my eyes

Trying desperately to wash away the loneliness

Since we've parted ways

At least this proves that I must never let my walls down again

Too much heartache will teach me well

And maybe, I will love once again

And surrender the keys to my soul to him

But until then, I best keep my heart in check

To nurse these wounds and hide these scars.

Time has passed since I last heard from him

Still, there is that wound that lies hidden within me

Constantly bleeding... continuously hurting...

When I look up the stars, I still see his face

But why then do I see him crying in the night?

It is so hard to let go... especially when the heart hangs on

Now even the mind plays tricks upon me...

In my dreams, I hear him whispering my name..

Calling out to me.. needing me still...

But what was I meant to do?

I admit, he made my Eden so beautiful.. so full of life

But with that power he held, he corrupted it too

I had no choice.. he gave me no other choice..

He didn't even try to give me choice..

Correction.. he didn't even show me that I had a choice...

So in my heart, lies a woman that will never forget him

Yet will always remember what he did...

And what he meant to her...

And how she realized how she meant to him...

Just bittersweet memories filling up my Eden.